Within weeks, Dave was the owner of a new-to-us truck that fit our needs! Sadly, though, we never had the opportunity to pull a small trailer behind it. By this time, though, I was not bothered by our unfulfilled dream because we had other plans and goals to conquer (graduating, planning for Liam's arrival, finding jobs, etc)
My career (speech-language pathology) incorporates this process of generating new/crazy ideas to motivate kids to achieve long and short term goals which feeds into my goal/vision oriented drive.
Problems arise when I run out of goals/visions. I feel depressed. Life seems mundane, dull, oppressive, and routine. When I get to the point of asking myself, "now what?", that's trouble. I have been feeling this for several weeks lately, and I'm having trouble shaking it. The babies survived, they are growing, we celebrated their first birthday, Liam is as cantankerous as ever, and Ethan is successfully enrolled in flag football and second grade! So, now what?
Now, don't take this the wrong way. First of all, I am so incredibly grateful for God's profound blessings. And second, I AM as busy as ever with appointments, scheduling, constant phone calls, therapies, housework, errands, grocery shopping and meal prep, managing the babies' daily care, addressing nursing issues, etc. So busy, in fact, that I feel like I am working 3 full time jobs. And there are endless daily frustrations, and epic battles between my ideals and doctors ideals, and the two not meshing, and ridiculous run-around conversations with insurance reps, etc. But there's GOT to be more to THIS stage of our journey than simply MAINTAINING our existence.
And then something pretty amazing happened - we found a church home at CrossPoint Church of Christ. Each time we attend, there is SOMETHING that speaks to my soul. Sometimes it's the lyrics of a song that I have sung a million times. Sometimes it's a concept in the sermon. Sometimes it's during communion - the overwhelming feeling of how blessed I am to be forgiven. Completely, totally, irrevocably forgiven. And on top of it all, loved! God's grace is powerful. Despite myself, I am forgiven. Despite myself, I am loved.
So until Dave and I create another hair-brained yet oh-so-brilliant idea, I will look for joy in the routine of everyday life. For now (at least a month or two) we can live beyond the "just trying to survive THIS crisis" stage. It feels abnormal.
Soooooooo....now what? :)
And now for the good stuff.
First things first:
Liam has learned A color. (Yes. One singular color.) And I am so proud. For those of you who know Liam well, this is pretty huge progress. For those of you who don't know Liam, he is one of the most stubborn, belligerent, cantankerous, cutest, most lovable boys ever. He will not listen unless it is either a.) on HIS schedule or b.) HIS idea. And besides, there are too many other things to do besides learn dumb things like colors, shapes, numbers, matching, similarities and differences, vocabulary, potty-training, etc, like throwing balls, kicking balls, hitting balls with a bat, jumping over balls, running with balls, riding a bike (yes, a 2 y/o who can ride a bike...with training wheels). I mean who has time to learn colors?! HA! So, YAY LIAM!!
Ethan has become such a grown-up young man. I had to fight back tears on his first day of second grade. I always thought sending children off to school would get easier as they get older, but this is just not true. Time really does pass so swiftly. Not to mention, I feel as if I lost his entire first grade year this past year. Luckily, we have a brand new school year to experience, and I've got a feeling it's going to be a good one!
We see several specialists:
2.) pediatric surgeon
3.) pulmonologist (lung doctors)
4.) pediatric cardiologist
5.) pediatric orthopedics
6.) craniofacial/plastic surgeon
7.) developmentalists (soon)
9.) gastro-intestinal doc
By the time we have made it through one round I seeing all of our specialists, it's time to start the next round!
So far, we have heard mostly good news with the occasional 'bad news' mixed in.
For example, the cardiologist determined that Owen still has a mild-moderate septal defect in his heart that may have to be addressed later, but for now, it is simply being monitored. Emmett's heart looks perfect.
Emmett has prominent scoliosis with a possible hemi-vertebra that will have to be addressed. Owen has no signs of scoliosis.
Both boys' metopic suture (forehead ridge) may have closed too early and may require surgery in the future. This is being monitored.
We are still waiting on the babies gi tracts to function 'more normally,' and while they are making progress, it feels very. Very. Very. Slow.
Both babies had their central lines removed [Emmett's by necessity (meaning nasty infection) and Owen's per my request (so as to prevent a nasty infection)].
Both babies are still as sweet and happy as ever, though they don't like being left to their own devices, and they promptly throw a a tantrum when I walk out of the room or if the nurses have to step away for a minute.
Well, I guess that leaves us with this: all is....normal...in the Ezell household. Maybe I should put it this way:
Life is at 'baseline' for us. That's as close to normal as we can get!
3 good things:
1.) Having at least 2 'sooka-mans' at our house at any given time. (Super-man)
3.) celebrating the 1-year anniversary of our babies' separation surgery on August 24th. (Emmett was in the hospital, so Dave and I shared a moment of amazement together.) Thankfully, we have many more years to celebrate their separation birthday. Next year, hopefully we will all be together!