Life seems to be full of paradoxes, and it seems especially apparent in my life lately, though it may be that I am just now recognizing their presence.
The more I learn, I realize there is vastly more that I don't know or understand.
The more people I meet, the more alone I feel.
The more I stand on faith, the more humble I feel.
I always thought trusting God and having faith in His plans for me and my family would be empowering, but I have been feeling humbled and meek. Who am I to deserve God's grace and provision? Since our family began this journey with Emmett and Owen, our path was VERY clear. God brought people into our lives to guide us to exactly where we needed to be, and He also added two more precious boys to our family BY His grace and power. So Dave and I both felt like we were where we were supposed to be when we were supposed to be there. Housing, and child-care for Liam, and good friends and a nice school for Ethan has all been provided. GOD has provided. The babies will be coming home in the near future, and we are once again at a crossroads. But this time, the path is not as clear, and I feel as if Dave and I are floundering in our own fear that we will make the wrong decision. We HAVE to find a home that will logistically accommodate our newest members. And this is where we are stuck. Our second story 2 bedroom apartment will not work with two more little ones and medical equipment (despite my best efforts to declutter and make room). It just won't. Do we buy, do we rent? Is finding a new home and 'stepping out on faith' that God will provide presumptuous? Is asking the previous question a lack of faith?
The uncertainties and paradoxes swirl around inside my head relentlessly. And here is the big zinger: I don't know what I am doing. On an epic level!
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap, or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? CAN ANY ONE OF YOU BY WORRYING ADD A SINGLE HOUR TO YOUR LIFE? (Mat 6:25-27)
"But seek first His kingdom, and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Mat. 6:33)
According to Matthew 6:33, I've got my work cut out for me. All good things are worth both waiting on Gods timing and putting in the effort of searching for God's will.
Emmett came through surgery well. He had a few things done while in the OR. 1.) his broviac (central line or more permanent IV) was replaced.
2.) J-tube was placed
3.) maintenance on the initial separation surgery was performed to try to help aid in oral consumption of food.
Today, he had a mild fever. One of his temporary IV sites infiltrated and has taken 1st place as suspect in causing infection.
In addition, Owen May be having some plumbing issues with his fistula. Contrast procedures are being done to help gather information so a plan can be formulated.
Lots of changes are happening, and that means lots of prayers are needed!
3 good things:
1.) Cold weather and warm homes
2.) knowledgable doctors and nursing staff and medical professionals